Ok so, I really loved the first part of this... but the second half is kinda weak. Normally I'd want to fix it, but I have so much going on that I just really wanted to get the second last update up and get some of your feedback before I dive into the final one =(
Hope you like it! (Also, I'm going to Cole Harbour Place - aka the Sidney Crosby museum - within the next couple of days so... I'll add some pics whenever I get them!!)
God Only Knows - Beach Boy(Cover)
Evan laid in bed, confused, and concerned, and worried, and stressed, but wonderfully completed. She smiled to herself as she felt Alex’s warm arms, still wrapped tightly around her middle; his muscular body, pressed tightly against her back. She was comfortable and exhausted, but she still couldn’t get to sleep.
If he asked her what she was feeling now, really feeling, she wouldn’t have been able to tell him. Not because she didn’t want to, and not because she was trying to be difficult, but because she just didn’t know.
She was afraid, that much she knew for sure.
Terrified was probably a better word, the more she actually thought of it. The weirdest thing was, she was ok with it.
She wiggled her body a bit, trying to loosen Alex’s hold on her, in order for her to turn over. Moving into him, she pressed her face into his chest, taking a deep breath as his arms closed back around her, securely. “Awake?” The groggy question sounded, his voice rumbling through his chest, causing her to giggle as she felt the vibrations against her face.
Let out a deep, throaty sigh, Alex bent his head forward and kissed the top of Evan’s messy hair. “You got anywhere to be today?”
She shook her head as Alex rolled onto his back, taking her with him. She laid out across his chest and smiled down at him, reaching around until she could run her fingers through the base of his short, brown hair.
“Are you ok?” He asked after few minutes of her soft skin, resting on top of his. She didn’t answer, she just smiled at him, but that wasn’t good enough, not anymore. “Evan…” He began, forcing himself up onto his elbows. “Please say something.”
Evan, completely oblivious to any insecurities that Alex was feeling, was surprised by how anxious he sounded. “What do you want me to say?” She mused, wondering what she could possibly say to him, after a night like that.
She allowed herself to grin at him, but he didn’t relax his muscles, instead, in one swift, sure movement, he flipped her onto her back.
Crawling in between her legs and pressing his warm, taut body on top of hers, he stared at her intently. “Evangeline-Rose, you need to tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
Alex cocked his head to the side, wondering why she had to be so damn difficult, all the time. “Tell me if this is happening, or not happening. I need to know Evan… I love you but, I don’t know how much longer I can do it.
I know that you’re hurting, I do, I understand but… I can help you.” Sighing, Alex looked away from her, feeling immensely guilty. Hadn’t he just told her, days ago, that he was fine with her needing space and time?
He didn’t think that that was a lie, more wistful thinking than anything. He wanted to be stronger, to be able to do that… give her everything, but he just couldn’t sit on the sidelines anymore.
“I’ve said it before, we shouldn’t have broken up, not ever. You know that. I know that you’ve just ended a relationship but Evan, that’s my point, there’s nothing stopping us.”
She didn’t bother to argue, cause really, she agreed with everything that he said, she just didn’t feel like she was the right person for him anymore.
She wanted to be, desperately. She wanted to be perfect, and wonderful, and whole for him… but she wasn’t, and she wasn’t just if she was good enough for him anymore.
They’d both been through so much, had so much change for them in the past few years.
Alex had gone forward with his life, realizing his dream and living it; while she’d been put through the ringer and left, worse for the wear.
“I’m scared.” She said finally, softly, as she felt a single, salty tear, leak from the corner of her eye.
It ran down her cheek bone and dropped onto her ear, where she reached up a hand to wipe it away. “I so, so scared.” Biting her lip, she looked away from him deep, brown eyes, unable to meet their gaze any longer.
“I just… I don’t wanna hurt anymore… I want to be with you but, I don’t know if I can.”
“Why? Tell me what proof you need Evan, and I swear to you, I’ll find it.” Alex countered, pushing himself up higher, until his eyes were directly above hers.
Evan sighed and stared back up at him, a million different thoughts running through her head. “I wish that I was better, perfect, for you… and I wish that I was strong enough to go away and just leave you alone… but I’m not. I’m too selfish for that.” She chuckled sadly, reaching up to tracing her fingers along his muscular biceps.
“I don’t need proof Alex, I already know that it’s you… that it’s always been you.”
Alex tried to be happy upon hearing those words, but he could still feel the hesitance in her words. “You don’t sound so sure about that…”
Taking a deep breath, Evan closed her eyes and pulled her hands away from him, pressing her arms against her chest. “When Jeff cheated on me… it was like I was losing part of my life… and when it was over between us, I lost someone that I cared about… someone that I was willing to spend my life with.
With you… If you ever cheated on me Alex, I wouldn’t lose part of my life… I would lose myself. If you ever left, I wouldn’t just be losing a boyfriend… I’d be losing my best friend, my confidant, the only person that I’ve ever been able to depend on.
I’m not willing to spend my life with you, I have to. I’ve always known that no matter what happened you’d always be there, in some capacity.
I know that it’s not fair. I know it’s not right to put the things that he did on you, but I can’t stop myself. Every time I think I wanna go there with you, I just… I don’t want to lose you forever.”
“Evan, I know that it’s gonna be hard to trust someone like that again, but I don’t care.
Don’t trust me… call me all the time, accuse me of anything and everything, never let me out of your sight! It doesn’t matter!” He laughed. Trying to find words shouldn’t be so hard, not when the things that he had to say were so simple. “You can think anything you want love, because I’m not going anywhere… and you’re the only woman I see, so I’ll never have anything to hide. I know that the only way to prove that to you, is by doing it everyday for the rest of my life… and the funny thing is… that happens to be the same amount of time I plan on spending with you.”
Evan exhaled and smiled up at him, a slight blush rising in her cheeks as he continued to stare down at her, as if she was the most incredible thing in the world.
They were both still exhausted, emphasised by the grunt Alex made as he gave up on holding himself above her, and instead, dropped down beside her. It was day time, but neither of them had anywhere to go and no reason to leave the warmth of the bed, so they didn’t.
“So?” Alex asked after a few minutes of silence, wanting Evan to say what he needed to hear from her. “Can we do this?”
From her comfortable resting place, tucked under his arm, Evan nodded slowly, her fingers tracing the contours of his abdomen as she spoke. “Yes.”
Alex exhaled lightly and tucked his arm around Evan, tighter. He watched until her fingers slowed, then stopped, and her breathing became even.
For once in his life, Alex’s wakefulness wasn’t a curse. He felt like his very skin was glowing with love.
Evan squirmed closer, and nuzzled into his chest, and he inhaled the fresh scent of her hair. After hearing her confirmation and feeling her warmth beside him, it was easy to remember back to the way things had been before; how he swore he’d never feel so good, so accepted in his whole life, but he felt that way now.
She let out a soft snore, and he knew that she was eventually going to drool on him, but he didn’t really care. Drool was somehow acceptably cute when Evan was doing it.
Really, it was no wonder that all his friends in university use to be disgusted with him… he was pathetic.
He didn’t care though, he just felt good when he was with her. Not in the way that he was ‘good’ at hockey, or ‘good’ at being a friend, but he felt like a good man.
She had been hurt, but now he could look at her and tell her that she was perfect, and wonderful… and most importantly, he could make her believe it.
For the first time in years, he was a man with something to give.
Two Is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift
When Alex had said that he wanted to be back with Evan, she didn't realize that he meant, immediately and irreversibly.
Before she knew it, she was trying to reassemble the boxes that she had collapsed the day before.
It seemed like such a waste of money, throwing a down payment and rent on an apartment, and then never use it.
She wasn’t sure how she’d pay for two places, but Alex had assured her that he, Max and Jordan had everything under control.
As much as she hated feeling like a freeloader, she couldn’t help but agree; together the boys made more in a day, then she did in five years.
She glanced up at them as that thought filtered through her mind. Really, her soon-to-be roommates were more like giant children than anything. She had a hard time imagining what it was going to be like to stay in the same house as them.
They had never been that bad before, in the few times that she’d been there, but then again she was almost sure that Alex had threatened them. If she was right, their good behaviour was going to end at some point.
As if on cue, Max stopped throwing things into one of the standing boxes, and spoke. “So are you gonna kick Jordan and I out now? I mean, it is our house…” He grinned, cheekily as Jordan spun around, looking slightly terrified.
“What? Why? Why do we have to go? What are we gonna do if we don’t have a house?” He blurted, glancing back and forth between Evan and Max. The other two began to laugh, shaking their heads before going back to their packing.
“I’ll tell you what Jordan, you can stay, but, you’re gonna need to sign something.” She said quickly, taking the opportunity to try and feel out where they stood on the situation.
Jordan shrugged, glancing over at Max. “Like what?”
“Like… if Evan and I have sex in the shower… you can’t talk about it with everyone.” Alex chuckled, walking into the living room with a full box of clothing.
“Ok, just with a few people.” Max made a face as he watched Alex continue across the room with his parcel.
“You can’t talk about it… with anyone…” Evan said quickly, wondering whether or not Max was joking.
“… just maybe a bit? Like just… a tiny bit.”
“No.” She said firmly, searching for some kind of mockery in his voice.
“Fine… just when I’m making fun of Gogo then..” Max concluded, sounding one hundred percent serious; which he was.
Evan‘s reply was louder the second time. “No.”
“… can I think about it… when I’m alone? In my room?”
“Ok Max, that’s gross…”
Max grinned, reaching to give Jordan a high five. “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”
“Ok… so… I think we’re good. Everything else we can come pick up sometime through the week. Essentials are all in the truck, ready to go.” Alex explained as he held Evan’s hand, leading her out of the apartment complex and into the parking lot.
Alex opened the passenger door and helped her in, before climbing into his own side. Jordan and Max were sitting in the back, eating Oreos’ that they’d managed to steal from Evan’s place.
Rolling his eyes, Alex started the truck, giving Evan a small smile before putting it into drive.
They drove towards his house, Evan watching out the window and listening to the mini Oreo-eating-competitions that the boys in the back were making up. A country song was playing on the radio, and Alex turned it up to drown out his team-mates. The man was signing about two people being ’better together’, regardless of what else was going on.
He felt like it fit well, not only for his life, but for the exact moment that he was in. He was definitely better with Evan, and she seemed happy enough to believe that she felt the same; which she did.
“It’s kinda like us, ya think?” Alex asked, giving her a crooked grin as they pulled up to a red light.
She smiled at him, reaching across the cab the gently squeeze his knee. “Of course I do, it’s true… two’s always better than one.”
“Tell me about it!” Max agreed, leaning forward between the seats, his head blocking Alex’s view of Evan. “Now you get Alex and two more roommates! And let’s face it, you’ll have way more fun with Jordan and I… then you would with just him.”
Jordan snorted from the backseat, at the same time that Alex reached out to swat Max’s face away from him. He turned to give Evan an apologetic glance, praying that she wasn’t annoyed or regretting her decision.
But his attempt at chivalry was cut short. Evan was to busy smiling a her new room-mates to notice any thing other than completion.
4 years ago